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4 Steps to Tell Your Partner About an Unplanned Pregnancy

During an unplanned pregnancy, feelings of anxiety, uncertainty and fear can immediately take hold. Before allowing the unknown answers to your questions to rule your mind and heart, here are the first 4 steps you can take to share the news with your partner: 


  1. Confirm you have a viable pregnancy 

If you don’t actually have a baby growing in the uterus with a detectable heartbeat, there is no news of a pregnancy to tell your partner. 

While missing your period is a logical indicator that you’re pregnant, there can be reasons other than pregnancy for a missed period. Likewise, with a positive at-home pregnancy test, there are some instances where your body produces pregnancy hormones to give a false positive

At the Hagerstown Area Pregnancy Clinic, we offer women and girls peace of mind in their decision making process by confirming pregnancy viability. A viable pregnancy simply means your baby’s ability to live or succeed in the womb.

HAPC offers medical-grade pregnancy tests and ultrasound at no cost and zero administration fees. 

During our initial medical consultation with a nurse, a caring staff member will walk you through the intake process and then follow up with an ultrasound if there’s a positive pregnancy test. Our limited OB ultrasound confirms that the pregnancy is in the uterus, measures the size of the baby, and confirms a heartbeat for the baby to prove viability. 

If your pregnancy is confirmed as viable, then you know you have news to share with your partner.


  1. Prioritize Your Safety 

If your partner has a history of abuse or if you or others in your household have experienced verbal or physical abuse from your partner before, you must consider the possibility of a violent reaction to the news of an unplanned pregnancy. 

To protect yourself and your loved ones, you can always contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, (available 24/7), to help you get to a safe location and situation. 

Another way to protect yourself and your loved ones is to tell a trusted friend for advice on how to share the news or to be present when you share the news with your partner. 

Also thoughtfully consider the time and place to tell your partner about your pregnancy to support open conversation and give yourself a literal “open door” should you need to leave an unsafe situation right away. 

Once you are confident of your safety and have chosen a safe time and place, consider what and how you want to say to your partner.


  1. Know ALL of Your Options 

Consider not just the news itself but also the decision you both will make to parent and raise the child, abort the baby or give the baby up for adoption. 

In discussing adoption, consider that 62% of the children in the US are adopted within the first month after birth. Relinquishing your baby to be adopted by a family that deeply desires children is an amazing way to bless another couple and avoid the trauma of abortion yourself if you and your partner decide that keeping the baby is an option.

Both your and your partner’s initial reactions are not always how you will feel about your pregnancy the next week, month or year, so avoid making quick decisions in the moment. 

Take time to think things through individually and as a couple. You can always continue the conversation at a later time. 


  1. Be Honest and Hopeful

Before starting the conversation with your partner, know for yourself how you feel about your pregnancy and if you want to keep your baby. 

Your thoughts, feelings and opinions matter equally as much as your partner’s. Feeling unsure and scared or excited and happy for your baby (sometimes all those feelings at the same time!) is perfectly normal. Telling your partner how you feel is important. 

When you first share with your partner that you’re pregnant, give him a moment to hear you. Silence is okay because it usually means we’re thinking and considering. 

Throughout the conversation, share your honest thoughts and feelings, while also asking your partner how he feels or what he thinks about your pregnancy. 

Recognize that an initial reaction may not be permanent.

No matter what happens, you don’t have to face an unplanned pregnancy alone. Our staff and nurses at the HAPC can provide you with medical information and no-cost services so you can make an informed decision with caring support.

Call or text us to make an appointment at (301)739-8717.